If i brushed my teeth that morning (exaggerated version)

Obscenities and trash talk by unfulfilled, egotistical men, who I am certain are unloved by their respected partners.. or themselves.  YES, I have a face and a body. I happen to walk and talk. My heart pumps, my vagina bleeds. You’d of thought I was walking stark raving naked across the street ,with their “intercourse” eyes prowling all over me.

I wouldn’t of disagreed with their views that I was “a hot piece of ass” if

1.      I gave a damn about their opinion

2.      I believed it and wasn’t a feminist

3.      Id brushed my teeth that morning

shot my baby with a bang

 

something that was less than a week ago feels like months, my mind has lapsed. i seem to have forgotten you, but somehow think of you everyday. i dont know how long this torture will persist. love knows no bounds and it certainly didnt with us, for i cant live with you nor without.

he is his own worst enemy

On stranger tides, the enemy moving closer than he thought; creeping up like a shadow. Cannons fully loaded, barrels overflowing, set up and aimed. Fog and mist making the deed harder than it ought to be. The captain won’t hold back, when in his short history has he ever made a wrong step? A cock sure captain. The smell of gunpowder locked in his nostrils, his heart galvanising, the twitch of his soiled fingertips stimulating the fuse alight in his veins. Sweat beads dripping off his long hooky nose, his eyes squaring through the eyeglass. The smoggy weather so unpredictable and alive, the cardiac muscle has contracted the gunpowder in his blood stream.

 FIRE!  …

The weather caused no hesitation. He smiled to himself for the destruction was clear; he’d only known a life of destruction. The haze made it more of a challenge, a life without games and challenges was no life for him. Viewing the sea to admire his destruction, a queer feeling arose in the pit of his stomach, his eyes as large as if he’d been on opium. the captains heart numb, as if stabbed by tiny icicles; the ruin closer to home than he could ever of imagined. For the captain recognised the dainty baby blue hanky dancing in the hot wind.

Greek myth

Looking at a face in the mirror, a face barely known. The blood rushes to the surface, antagonising the skin; no reaction. Sallow and sunken. Dead pupils, the moonlight doesn’t even venture that close now; there was a time when it hit every depth. Once a narcissist, now a dead flower overwhelmed by carbon dioxide.

frosted glass

The taste of your soul still alive in my mouth.  

Strands of stray hairs on a dirty pillow case.

Open windows letting the cold air scorch cold stone colder. Stale memories lit only by your half eaten love.

Winter has come early.

current read

currently reading - the luminous life of Lilly Aphrodite .
waiting for it to kick start

previous read - the hundred year old man who climbed out of the window and disappeared.

anyone who likes a bit of fantasy and reality mixed together would love the hundred year old man. It is officially my favourite book to date.

skull and crossbones

Don’t touch, says irritant

Don’t drink, says poisonous

Don’t sniff, says deadly

You are like a bottle of bleach,

I’m the child that gets curious.

Grasping the child- lock cap with my chubby hands,

Clamping my mouth over the bottle neck, leaving frustrated teeth dents.

If I get in, you are likely to spill, burn me, and no doubt scar me for life.

I haven’t been poisoned yet but I’m close,

It’s hard to keep away; there is something mysterious and familiar about the bottle,

I see it at least 3x a week and I still haven’t got in.

 

Gemini

Gemini – (21 May- 20 June)

^3rd sign of the zodiac is concerned with:

·        Communication, articulation, speech

·        Wit, instinct, persuasion, change, variety

·        Dexterity, nimbleness, light- footedness

·        Movement, curiosity, exploration, short journeys

·        Education, learning, collecting facts

·        Attention to detail, adaptability

·        Intellect, intuition, youth, freedom

 

Air is a metaphor for the invisible thoughts and ideas that motive Gemini, such as intellect, the intuition and natural instincts.

 

Characteristics

Positive: quick, youthful, inventive, never prejudiced, stimulating, inquisitive, entertaining and charming, versatile, liberal, broad minded.

Negative: restless, quickly bored, dual personality, non- committal, gossipy, nervous, manipulative, impatient and irritable, capricious and fickle, impractical  

Inside anyone who has a strong gemini influences is a person secretly longs to find his or her true soul mate, the mysterious twin who will make the Gemini feel complete.  

 

Spiritual goal: to learn how to cooperate.

(Communication is a lifeline to Gemini)

 

 

The Gemini male –

·        Is eager and always on the move

·        Is friendly and persuasive

·        Likes people

·        Can sell anything to almost anyone

·        Can do 2 things at once

·        Is intelligent and witty

·        Can talk himself out of difficulty

·        Has a great deal of nervous energy

 

Typical behaviour and abilities

When at a home, a suave Gemini man or woman:

·        Likes space to move about in, will enjoy using gadgets and the latest technology

·        Considers a telephone absolutely essential

·        Will have some sort of transport standing by so he or she can take off spur of the moment

 

 

 

Typical occupations

Anything that involves public relations, selling or getting ideas across to others such as lecturing, journalism and media attracts Aquarius. Surgeon, artist, musician, politics, acting, scientific researcher.  

 

 

Gemini and love –

Behaviour when in love:

·        Is overwhelmed by confusing emotions

·        May appear cool and distant

·        Will think things through rather than act spontaneously

·        Needs a rational understanding of love

·        Tends to repress very strong emotions

·        Can become emotionally dependent

·        Feels very deep but finds it very hard to express love

Expectations:

·        To be understood

·        The partner to be an emotional telepath

·        Sympathy and tenderness

·        Personal freedom for self and partner

·        To enjoy flirting

·        Faithfulness of partner

 

The end of an affair

An affair will end when a Gemini gets bored or when a partner begins to make too many emotional demands or restricts the gemini’s personal freedom. Once the decision has been made, geminis have no difficulty in communicating that the affair is at an end, they just cool off, freeze the partner out or vanish.

 

When a typical Gemini makes love

It is often a drive to express all their

Pent- up emotions at once.

 

A Gemini friend is full of life, often a Peter Pan, and always eager to be off on a new adventure.

 

 

Most typical geminis like communication

Such as conversation, radio, tv, letter writing,

Sending postcards and the telephone

 

 

 Aquarian likes:

·        Company; being among people, chatting, telephones, gadgets, instant food, variety, change

·        Being free to move about, the excitement of travel, acting as devil’s advocate, knowledge, information

·        Pseudonyms, getting to the bottom of things, novelty, acting quickly on decisions

Dislikes:

·        Wasting time, being kept waiting, fixed ideas, being defeated

·        Listening to endless complaints, regimentation, not knowing what’s going on

·        Having to focus on only one thing for a long time

 

FAMOUS Aquarians

Marilyn Monroe

Bob Dylan

Queen Victoria

Judy Garland

Paul McCartney

Miles Davies

Allen Ginsberg

 

 

 ( source - zodiac types - Collins gem)

 

 

 

 

 

breakfast with Holly Golightly

from experience time heals the blues, but also creates them.

having the mean reds looking up at the blue moon.

 

 

time is the biggest catastrophe

, yet it doesn't exist. 

A serious love letter

I had to put this on my blog, I was casually browsing letters, well I actually typed in "james dean letters" on a search engine as he writes superb letters and randomly came across this. I think it is simply beautiful.

"In 1932, months after first meeting in Paris and despite both being married, Cuban diarist Anaïs Nin and hugely influential novelist Henry Miller began an incredibly intense love affair that would last for many years and, along the way, generate countless passionate love letters. Below, in my humble opinion, is one of the most powerful examples, written by Miller in August of 1932 shortly after a visit to Nin's home in Louveciennes."

August 14, 1932

Anais:

Don't expect me to be sane anymore. Don't let's be sensible. It was a marriage at Louveciennes—you can't dispute it. I came away with pieces of you sticking to me; I am walking about, swimming, in an ocean of blood, your Andalusian blood, distilled and poisonous. Everything I do and say and think relates back to the marriage. I saw you as the mistress of your home, a Moor with a heavy face, a negress with a white body, eyes all over your skin, woman, woman, woman. I can't see how I can go on living away from you—these intermissions are death. How did it seem to you when Hugo came back? Was I still there? I can't picture you moving about with him as you did with me. Legs closed. Frailty. Sweet, treacherous acquiescence. Bird docility. You became a woman with me. I was almost terrified by it. You are not just thirty years old—you are a thousand years old.

Here I am back and still smouldering with passion, like wine smoking. Not a passion any longer for flesh, but a complete hunger for you, a devouring hunger. I read the paper about suicides and murders and I understand it all thoroughly. I feel murderous, suicidal. I feel somehow that it is a disgrace to do nothing, to just bide one's time, to take it philosophically, to be sensible. Where has gone the time when men fought, killed, died for a glove, a glance, etc? (A victrola is playing that terrible aria from Madama Butterfly—"Some day he'll come!")

I still hear you singing in the kitchen—a sort of inharmonic, monotonous Cuban wail. I know you're happy in the kitchen and the meal you're cooking is the best meal we ever ate together. I know you would scald yourself and not complain. I feel the greatest peace and joy sitting in the dining room listening to you rustling about, your dress like the goddess Indra studded with a thousand eyes.

Anais, I only thought I loved you before; it was nothing like this certainty that's in me now. Was all this so wonderful only because it was brief and stolen? Were we acting for each other, to each other? Was I less I, or more I, and you less or more you? Is it madness to believe that this could go on? When and where would the drab moments begin? I study you so much to discover the possible flaws, the weak points, the danger zones. I don't find them—not any. That means I am in love, blind, blind. To be blind forever! (Now they're singing "Heaven and Ocean" from La Gioconda.)

I picture you playing the records over and over—Hugo's records. "Parlez moi d amour." The double life, double taste, double joy and misery. How you must be furrowed and ploughed by it. I know all that, but I can't do anything to prevent it. I wish indeed it were me who had to endure it. I know now your eyes are wide open. Certain things you will never believe anymore, certain gestures you will never repeat, certain sorrows, misgivings, you will never again experience. A kind of white criminal fervor in your tenderness and cruelty. Neither remorse nor vengeance, neither sorrow nor guilt. A living it out, with nothing to save you from the abysm but a high hope, a faith, a joy that you tasted, that you can repeat when you will.

All morning I was at my notes, ferreting through my life records, wondering where to begin, how to make a start, seeing not just another book before me but a life of books. But I don't begin. The walls are completely bare—I had taken everything down before going to meet you. It is as though I had made ready to leave for good. The spots on the walls stand out—where our heads rested. While it thunders and lightnings I lie on the bed and go through wild dreams. We're in Seville and then in Fez and then in Capri and then in Havana. We're journeying constantly, but there is always a machine and books, and your body is always close to me and the look in your eyes never changes. People are saying we will be miserable, we will regret, but we are happy, we are laughing always, we are singing. We are talking Spanish and French and Arabic and Turkish. We are admitted everywhere and they strew our path with flowers.

I say this is a wild dream—but it is this dream I want to realize. Life and literature combined, love the dynamo, you with your chameleon's soul giving me a thousand loves, being anchored always in no matter what storm, home wherever we are. In the mornings, continuing where we left off. Resurrection after resurrection. You asserting yourself, getting the rich varied life you desire; and the more you assert yourself the more you want me, need me. Your voice getting hoarser, deeper, your eyes blacker, your blood thicker, your body fuller. A voluptuous servility and tyrannical necessity. More cruel now than before—consciously, wilfully cruel. The insatiable delight of experience.

HVM

          source -  http://www.lettersofnote.com/2013/02/dont-expect-me-to-be-sane-anymore.html

dead heart

They say don’t ever go back

You’re on a tightrope

7 footsteps in

The whole wire could snap

You'd never know if you didn’t go back

You’ve been there before

Are you so sure?

Have you ever put yourself in the footsteps of a tightrope?

Buckling under pressure from feet all around

You know the answer

It’s there, lying dead on the ground

the telephone episode

In the dead of a cool night

I pick up the telephone

I dial your number

I know it off by heart, although the end numbers give me a hard time, coincidently like the end of our liaison

The voice I’m so familiar with lolls around in my head

It’s been 5 months, 26 days, 8 hours, 31 minutes, 6, 5 seconds,

It’s still as clear, as disfigured as that scar on my lower back

2 rings have gone by

Rhythmically erratic, my heart is thrashing like a fist on a goblet drum

8 rings pass

I retreat

I was yet a memory to him

The hurt of separation still lingers with me.  

she only misses it with you

The girl misses the intimacy, she tightens the grip of her index and middle finger’s that are squeezing her cigarette butt. The girl flicks the un-finished cigarette to the curb; the cracks in the pavement smoke the last of it. The girl goes back inside the dark dingy warehouse where there is a party in full swing. Dodging past writhing, clammy bodies on the dance floor she heads for the bar. The girl grabs a handful of peanuts from the miniature steel bucket. The girl loosens her grip a second later, spilling peanuts all over the counter; the girl has a disconcerting thought of that sweaty man’s hands all over them. God knows what he’s been touching.

“hey you…yeah you, Liz Taylors love child”

“ha-ha, you’ve got to be kidding me, flattery does not wash with me”

Although the girl was playing the whole blasé game, inside her whole body was quivering. The girls’ palms were beaded with sweat. The girls’ throat was brut and empty. The girl twitches as the guy whispers seductively in her ear,

“I saw you outside, you smoke like a pro, you know like them snobs in the old 1940’s films”

The guy gives a cocked smile and a muted chuckle.

The girl ruffles her brows and says

“Am I supposed to take that as a compliment? Sounds like a pretty dick thing to say”

“Take it however you want baby girl, I’m outta here, love ya”

The guy links arms with a thin blonde thing that walks past and struts out of the warehouse, lowering his hand onto her perfectly rounded buttocks as they get further away.

 

The girl feels a fool; she feels her checks burning up. The girl knows she misses intimacy but she knows she only misses it with you.

 

Current read - Summer and the City by Candace Bushnell

The second book in the series of – the Carrie diaries

......

 

I thoroughly enjoy books by Candace Bushnell she is one author that really gets into the character and immerses herself into the world she has created. I read ‘The Carrie diaries’ when it first came out and I remember I couldn’t put the book down.

I’m currently reading chapter 13 of summer and the city and so far I have enjoyed it. It is pretty slow at the moment but it is starting to pick up pace. I love the fact we get an insight of Samantha Jones and Miranda Hobbes when they are young. Carrie Bradshaw is starting out as a writer and has a loooong way to go but the fact that we know she gets there makes you dream as hard as she does that she reaches her goal.

Reading this book makes me want to become a successful writer like Carrie will become. As well as being a girly book and having all the sex, ups and downs in love and things you can relate to as a young adult, you also become inspired.

If Miss Bradshaw isn’t writing, she is either at the hottest party (thanks to Samantha), with the hottest guy, or hooking up with famous people (a playwright being one of them! Every girls dream?). The character Carrie I find inspiring as she is independent, ambitious and always herself. She is the strong independent woman we all want to be. She is in the scary, all- happening city that is NY!! Be prepared to be envious if you read this book. Her life seems like such a HOOT!

a book that you can 100% get lost in.

 

                   WARNING - this book might leave you in a daze.

soul love, kindred spirits

Longing for our non- physical characters to collide, our spirits are indestructible; we are kindred spirits – one in the same. Deprived of emotion, lacking in hate, brimming with love, respect and understanding. Looking for familiarity, soul love.  

William Blake poetry

An extract from “ a poision tree” – William blake
 

“I was angry with my friend:

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I  was angry with my for:

I told it not, my wrath did grow,”

 

“the lilly” – William blake

 

“ the modest rose puts forth a thorn:

The humble sheep, a threatening horn.

While the lilly white, shall in love delight,

Nor a thorn, nor a threat stain her beauty bright.”

roll-up boy

Your gloriously thick dark eyebrows, your chapped dry lips in most seasons except spring, your crooked eye that winks a second before the other, the way you tap the ash off your cigarette so effortlessly, the way you dance to Human League. It’s enough to keep me coming back.

So I do. Each time I see you, you are a little more perfected the way my mind wants you. Cuban cigars, Pall Mall cigarettes, roll ups. I got you down to roll-ups. Cigars made me too chesty, cigarettes made you smoke more than I wanted you too, roll-ups were cool and the least harmful. Social smoking only.

“don’t, don’t you want me? you know I don’t believe you when you say that you don’t need me”

“ I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar”

I defined you with a song. I created you with a song. With a word and a feeling. I created you therefore you do not exist my sir.  

 

Aquarius

Aquarius – (20 January- 18 Feb)

^11th sign of the zodiac is concerned with:

·        Electricity, magnetism, telecommunications

·        Fame, recognition, politics, creative arts

·        Eccentricity, independence, humanitarian issues

·        Mystery, intrigues, magic, genius, originality

·        Friendship, courtesy, kindness, tranquillity

·        Scientific analysis, experimentation, detachment      

 

Air represents the mind and the ability to think; Aquarian ideas may be unusual or even original, but once formed, they tend to remain fixed. Fixed air, in brief, is a metaphor for fixed opinions.

 

Characteristics

Positive: communicative, thoughtful and caring, scientific, cooperative and dependable, inventive, loyal friendship, intense interest in people, independence of thought and action, strong belief in humane reforms.

Negative: unwilling to share ideas, tactless and rude, perverse and eccentric individuality, self-interested, unwillingness to fight for beliefs, uncertainty and lack of confidence, voyeuristic curiosity about people   

Inside anyone who has a strong Aquarian influences is a person who is extremely uncertain of his or her true identity. The Aquarius ego is said to be the most precarious in the zodiac.

 

Spiritual goal: to learn how to develop true-self confidence

 

 

The Aquarian male –

·        Is friendly towards everyone

·        Is unwilling to reveal his feelings

·        A group person

·        Has wide interests

·        Is attracted to the mysterious and the secret

·        Is fair minded and has his own very strong, but personal, moral code

·        Is an intuitive thinker with a very practical streak

·        Does not usually aim to become rich but to develop his ideas and communicate them

 

Typical behaviour and abilities

When at a home, a suave Aquarius man or woman:

·         Lives in a spacious, elegant apartment filled with interesting items

·         Eats unusual menus of gourmet food

·         Enjoys having houseguests from all walks of life

 

 

 

Typical occupations

Anything that involves experimentation, ideas, investigation and forward thinking attracts Aquarius. Dancer, singer, TV, radio, presenter, writer, charity worker, inventor, archaeologist, radiographer, electronics engineer, humanitarian aid worker.

 

 

Aquarius and love –

Behaviour when in love:

·        May try to seem glamorously aloof

·        Is afraid of a deeply emotional involvement

·        Attracts opposite sex in the first place by their friendly manner

·        Enjoys a living apart relationship

·        Genuinely wants friendship with the loved one

·        Will guard his or her independence jealously

Expectations:

·        His wife to stay at home

·        Her husband to share or take over the running of the home

·        Personal freedom of movement and action

·        Loyalty and faithfulness

·        Understanding and tolerance of his or her oddities

·        The partner to enjoy frequent visits from a wide variety of friends from every walk of life

 

The end of an affair

The typical Aquarius has only one love affair at a time and is devoted to that partner until curiosity leads them elsewhere. Once Aquarius has settled into a marriage, he or she does not like divorce and will often want to remain friends with a past partner.

 

When a typical Aquarius makes love

It is more an intellectual experience

Than an emotional one. He or she will

Be most assiduous about hygiene and

Contraception.

 

Aquarius rarely passes judgement upon the ethical codes of friends- but will expect them to live by their codes.

 

 

Aquarius will put a lot of effort into

His or her friendships and make friends with anyone:

Rich, poor, black, white, good and bad .

 

 Aquarian likes:

·        fame, recognition, living within their means, credit cards, surprises, dreams

·        rainbows, eccentricity, change, thinking about  self-privacy

·        telling others what needs to be done- then watching them get on with it, weird friends

Dislikes:

·        emotion and intimacy, being taken for granted, being pinned down in anyway, any kind of hardsell

·        violence and fighting, making loan s or borrowing money, extravagance, revealing own motives

·        people who show off

FAMOUS Aquarians

James Dean

Yoko Ono

Virginia Woolf

Eartha Kitt

Lewis Caroll

Vanessa Redgrave

Jules Verne

Mozart

 

 

 

 (source - Collins gem- zodiac types)