she deserves the world

on the brink of survival in a capitalist world.
If you lived in a third world country, you’d probably shake your head side to side in disgust.
In London, America and even France, no money means no survival. No money will soon equal no house, no warmth, no food, no water. Yes. I live in a house with a parent who works, but she works to live. although how much living can you actually do with unlimited funds? She does her best not to worry, “ it will all work out” constantly pours out her mouth, with no conviction or belief. I can see the worry on her waned face. when she opens her bank statements, her eyes bare her true feelings. Its all so harder than she anticipated. her worry penetrates my ears when she has those hushed conversations on the phone.
rent.rent.rent.
money.money.money.
nothing.nothing.nothing.
nothing left. no food in the cupboards. at least there is water in the tap. at least there is a tap. a pipe. a U- bend. a clean water supply.

grateful for so much but so much taken for granted

I want to be in a place where you live to work. going to that field every day. even Sunday. saying hello to that blazing star, checking up on my favourite crops, learning the local gossip from the flowers. PICKING OUT THOSE DASTARDLY WEEDS.

Its no different in third world countries, the only exception is money. money is replaced with life. working to feed yourself, travelling miles for just one droplet of water to fill that void.

there is this girl I want to shake so hard that her brain falls out, thus I can help her rearrange her brain. This girl is so very ungrateful, so selfish and conceited. more so than me. you. and probably your Persian cat.

she never looks back when she says goodbye.

that’s how conceited she is.

 
but cos’ we’re on the brink of survival does she have the right to act like that?

to be selfish, rude, unkind, inconsiderate, ferocious? to look out for only number uno?

 

Is it a coping mechanism?

 

if i had leg waxes...

Maybe I’d be a different person if

I had leg waxes instead of shaving.

 

Sitting in the bath of swirling hairs. strands of head hair. leg hair. armpit hair. pubic hair. toe hair.

sitting in my own dirt , a bunch of sugar cane bath salt. And it came to me. a tiny bit of inspiration that took off like a whirlpool. tornado. whirlwind. like the hair that gets sucked down the plug hole into that pit of darkness. I tried to repeat it, to remember. I am certain it will happen again. A state of relaxation forcing a semi- lobotomy to happen in my brain. picking at my nervous system, picking at certain memories, some unresolved issues.

 

So I asked myself, would I be a different person if I had regular leg waxes?

 

that blonde hussy - inpsired by Bukowski - by me.

it happened in a restaurant, a low class restaurant. where all the riff- raff went. It was here that I had my realisation about blonde women, not all of them are the same but I’d say 76% are. i was there because I had free coupons and my gut started eating itself. I had been there for, say, 8 minutes. a blonde woman came and sat opposite me. not direct opposite. a large table then her table were in between us. if im honest I didn’t particularly  notice her. she wasn’t mind-blowingly beautiful, her body was not cared for, compensated with tacky gems and diamonds, skin tight clothing, maybe that once belonged to a baby prostitute. slim but saggy. pleasant breasts. hardly any bare skin on her face, congealed in MAC make-up. eyes that were soul less. blonde hair like a ragdolls, her best asset, she knew it as well as I did. I watched her for 10 more minutes. its all it took to come to the conclusion. she was a hussy. next to her was 2 boys and a girl, no older than 14. they paid no attention to her.  she was desperate. she flicked her blonde hair like it was a weapon. sending out signals. this happened every minute or 2 without fail. tossing it. twirling it . caressing it like it was her favourite lover. she done this all the while catching glances at her underage prey. im not implying she was planning to act upon her impulses. they were her side dishes of the meal. she looked more of the sugar daddy type. she wanted attention to prove she still had it. she was compensating. she picked up her fries and placed them in her mouth. chewing them like she was a naughty kid who had been told to eat her food ‘properly’ and ‘respectfully’. after she swallowed she had a Mona Lisa smile on her wrinkled face. she began licking her salty fingers, one by one, seductively. looking over at the young boys with femininity in her eyes . they took no notice. too busy wrapped up in their own ‘innocent’ lives.

i got up and left. she took no notice of me.

 

DreamCity - a poem by me

 

DreamCity

 

Time is fleeting by,

The smiles last ten minutes,

Four hours in a dream,

So I say time is fleeting by,

A dream within a dream,

I cannot distinguish reality,

Escapism. Realism. Sanity,

Entwined they are the same?

The moon says “hello” the sun disappears,

Time is ever so fleeting by,

My eyes are bolted shut,

The sun is pouring in,

He does not say a friendly hello,

He will grin and grin and grin,

I ask him

“Why must you grin so wide?”

As his grin gets wider my eyes are vulnerable,

You are a shadow, a blur I cannot make out,

So I say time is fleeting by,

I wish for winter when the sun will die,

Just then the moon appeared,

Wearing the saddest frown I ever so cherish.

 

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery - BOOK REVIEW

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1943) – BOOK REVIEW

 This book I found quite charming! You can look at it from two points of view, the straight forward view being a story about a little prince and his adventure or a more advance in depth view about a little prince who is rather lonely and wants a friend. I took both routes as it happens. I imagined reading the book to my children in the future and it was just a fun, adventurous story with no emotional attachments. The pictures I had a giggle at, they are both cute and artistic.

When I looked at it in more depth, with emotional attachment you come to realise that it is quite a sad story. The little prince comes from Asteroid B-612 and he is the only one on his planet, he has neighbours but they are all too self –centred and worried about their own affairs. He lands on planet Earth and meets Antoine de Saint-Exupery. They both have an instant understanding of each other even though the little prince is a child and Antoine is an adult. They make friends yet they both have to soon part to get back to their daily lives, before they leave they share a few pleasures together. This part for me is the sad bit of the story as they both have made a bond after years of the prince trying to find a friend like Antoine, the probability that they will see each other again is a million to 1.

 

'The men where you live,' said the little prince, 'grow five thousand roses in the same garden ... and they do not find what they are looking for ...'
'They do not find it,' I replied.
'And yet, what they are looking for could be found in a single rose or in a little water.'
'Yes, indeed,' I replied.
And the little prince added: 'But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.'

 

It is such a beautifully strange book as it has a kind of ambiguous meaning, yet it is child-like and fun at the same time. The book has some great quotes which I think children could learn a lot from and adults would value. It is definitely a worthwhile book which can be read many, many times over.

 

 

 

Tell me what you think!! :-)

 

Palo Alto by James Franco - BOOK REVIEW

Palo Alto by James Franco – BOOK REVIEW

 

I happened to buy this book due to my love of James Franco and it was one of those quick on the moment things, I skimmed the reviews on it written by customers who had already bought it and all I saw was ‘1 out of 5 stars’, ‘not worth it’, ‘don’t buy this book’. So what I did was ignore the comments and said to myself ‘might as well give it a chance, when has Mr Franco ever let me down?’ Reading the book and thinking back on that moment I discovered that the reviews were bad due to the fact they must have all been written by bitter adults who didn’t have such a radical teenage experience as the characters do in the book!

Right from the beginning of the book you get involved, the description is so vivid that for all you know it could be you as the character. To be honest all I have for the book is praise so I’ll make the review short. If you can imagine a cross between ‘rebel without a cause’ and ‘stand by me’ then you’ve got it in one. The struggles, experiences and existence of teenage life superbly written by Mr Franco, who you can’t help but thinking throughout the story if he actually experienced some of these radical things. The story is told in first person by many different characters from their viewpoints; it amazed me at how perfectly Mr Franco nailed the perspectives of both the female and male characters; like he actually got in their heads and understood them.

The way it is written is kind of like poetry, the whole thing flows and is very blunt and to the point. It is raw and maybe a bit vulgar at some points. The book is very true to the subject and balances the fact that teenagers do in fact have underlying problems and can experience such intense feelings as adults can. If you are a teenager and want to be understood you will read the book and think, ‘oh I’m not alone after all’ and I think it could be a great comfort for some of us. Anyone who likes something a bit different, that pushes the boundaries and goes deeper than the surface would also enjoy this book.

If like me you have already read the book and are a fan then I have some good news! The book is going to be made into a film called ‘Palo Alto Stories’!!!

Directed by Gia Coppola, starring James Franco, Emma Roberts and Keegan Allen to name a few ;-)!

Hope you are all excited as I am !!!!

 

 

 

 

 

James Dean: The Mutant King by David Dalton - BOOK REVIEW

Book Review #1

James Dean: The Mutant King by David Dalton

 So, the first James Dean book I ever read due to the scarcity of books written about the forever young Mr Dean. I bought the book online so I had no idea albeit a few small jpeg images of the size, the feel or the ease of page turning. The front of the book has an eye- catching, 100%  flattering image of Mr Dean in a black and white striped jumper. A favourite among us James Dean lovers. The book itself is paperback (I personally prefer paperback as it is more versatile, easier to lug around than hardback for us on the go readers). As a book lover I dislike having to bend the pages of books, so I was delighted that the pages were easy to turn and the text didn’t trail off into the spine, and there was no need for unnecessary folding of the book at each chapter.

On reading the book I had nothing to compare it to being it my first, therefore I was able to go in with fresh eyes and only a ‘limited amount’ of knowledge of Mr Dean. I say limited, I thought I knew all there was about Dean before I read this book! On the adjacent page before every chapter starts there is an extract from a poem or a book, for example a poem extract from James Whitcomb Riley, whom Dean valued. Each extract I found to be knowingly or unknowingly related to Dean in some way. The little extracts I really did adore, it made me feel a little more connected to Dean and his thoughts.

Before the chapter starts there is a miniature summary of what is to expect in the ensuing chapter, which again I thought was a lovely touch. There are pictures throughout the entire book, not just the middle, this I find saves you a lot of work flicking back and forth of the pages and adding potential damage to the book. The one and only one criticism I had about the book was the quality of some of the images. All images are in black and white which to me is no big deal, but some of the images have a blurry like quality and if like me you enjoy seeing Mr Dean at his full potential in sharp HD then it can be a bit of a frustration.

Thus far I was pleased aesthetically and kinetically; bar a few images. When I started reading I went into full James Dean mode, entirely absorbed and I was ever so delighted. Credit to the author David Dalton and the research that he conducted as it was ever so in depth. Through reading the book I found out things about Mr Dean I didn’t know before. Research aside, the way that it was written was extra thrilling. It didn’t just skim the surface, it wasn’t like many biographies which are just facts after facts written on paper it was like a story, it had emotion and passion and you feel involved. It has interviews/ quotes from co-stars, directors he worked with and intimate friends of his. You feel as though you know Dean from his mental state to the tiny dirt specks under his fingernails.

To me this book has been beautifully written with a lot of thought and effort, you gain a real insight to Jimmy’s life from the day he was born, his relationship with his father, his coming to term with his mother’s death, his school years, the starting of his career to the day he passed. If anything Jimmy’s personality really shines through!

 Recommend to every and any James Dean admirer, I guarantee if you only liked him a little bit before after reading the book you will either come to love him, wanted to of been able to marry him, mother him or be his best friend .

RRP - £6.95

Online price - £4-£6

(my book was around £5.80)