dead heart

They say don’t ever go back

You’re on a tightrope

7 footsteps in

The whole wire could snap

You'd never know if you didn’t go back

You’ve been there before

Are you so sure?

Have you ever put yourself in the footsteps of a tightrope?

Buckling under pressure from feet all around

You know the answer

It’s there, lying dead on the ground

the telephone episode

In the dead of a cool night

I pick up the telephone

I dial your number

I know it off by heart, although the end numbers give me a hard time, coincidently like the end of our liaison

The voice I’m so familiar with lolls around in my head

It’s been 5 months, 26 days, 8 hours, 31 minutes, 6, 5 seconds,

It’s still as clear, as disfigured as that scar on my lower back

2 rings have gone by

Rhythmically erratic, my heart is thrashing like a fist on a goblet drum

8 rings pass

I retreat

I was yet a memory to him

The hurt of separation still lingers with me.  

she only misses it with you

The girl misses the intimacy, she tightens the grip of her index and middle finger’s that are squeezing her cigarette butt. The girl flicks the un-finished cigarette to the curb; the cracks in the pavement smoke the last of it. The girl goes back inside the dark dingy warehouse where there is a party in full swing. Dodging past writhing, clammy bodies on the dance floor she heads for the bar. The girl grabs a handful of peanuts from the miniature steel bucket. The girl loosens her grip a second later, spilling peanuts all over the counter; the girl has a disconcerting thought of that sweaty man’s hands all over them. God knows what he’s been touching.

“hey you…yeah you, Liz Taylors love child”

“ha-ha, you’ve got to be kidding me, flattery does not wash with me”

Although the girl was playing the whole blasé game, inside her whole body was quivering. The girls’ palms were beaded with sweat. The girls’ throat was brut and empty. The girl twitches as the guy whispers seductively in her ear,

“I saw you outside, you smoke like a pro, you know like them snobs in the old 1940’s films”

The guy gives a cocked smile and a muted chuckle.

The girl ruffles her brows and says

“Am I supposed to take that as a compliment? Sounds like a pretty dick thing to say”

“Take it however you want baby girl, I’m outta here, love ya”

The guy links arms with a thin blonde thing that walks past and struts out of the warehouse, lowering his hand onto her perfectly rounded buttocks as they get further away.

 

The girl feels a fool; she feels her checks burning up. The girl knows she misses intimacy but she knows she only misses it with you.

 

Current read - Summer and the City by Candace Bushnell

The second book in the series of – the Carrie diaries

......

 

I thoroughly enjoy books by Candace Bushnell she is one author that really gets into the character and immerses herself into the world she has created. I read ‘The Carrie diaries’ when it first came out and I remember I couldn’t put the book down.

I’m currently reading chapter 13 of summer and the city and so far I have enjoyed it. It is pretty slow at the moment but it is starting to pick up pace. I love the fact we get an insight of Samantha Jones and Miranda Hobbes when they are young. Carrie Bradshaw is starting out as a writer and has a loooong way to go but the fact that we know she gets there makes you dream as hard as she does that she reaches her goal.

Reading this book makes me want to become a successful writer like Carrie will become. As well as being a girly book and having all the sex, ups and downs in love and things you can relate to as a young adult, you also become inspired.

If Miss Bradshaw isn’t writing, she is either at the hottest party (thanks to Samantha), with the hottest guy, or hooking up with famous people (a playwright being one of them! Every girls dream?). The character Carrie I find inspiring as she is independent, ambitious and always herself. She is the strong independent woman we all want to be. She is in the scary, all- happening city that is NY!! Be prepared to be envious if you read this book. Her life seems like such a HOOT!

a book that you can 100% get lost in.

 

                   WARNING - this book might leave you in a daze.

soul love, kindred spirits

Longing for our non- physical characters to collide, our spirits are indestructible; we are kindred spirits – one in the same. Deprived of emotion, lacking in hate, brimming with love, respect and understanding. Looking for familiarity, soul love.  

William Blake poetry

An extract from “ a poision tree” – William blake
 

“I was angry with my friend:

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I  was angry with my for:

I told it not, my wrath did grow,”

 

“the lilly” – William blake

 

“ the modest rose puts forth a thorn:

The humble sheep, a threatening horn.

While the lilly white, shall in love delight,

Nor a thorn, nor a threat stain her beauty bright.”

roll-up boy

Your gloriously thick dark eyebrows, your chapped dry lips in most seasons except spring, your crooked eye that winks a second before the other, the way you tap the ash off your cigarette so effortlessly, the way you dance to Human League. It’s enough to keep me coming back.

So I do. Each time I see you, you are a little more perfected the way my mind wants you. Cuban cigars, Pall Mall cigarettes, roll ups. I got you down to roll-ups. Cigars made me too chesty, cigarettes made you smoke more than I wanted you too, roll-ups were cool and the least harmful. Social smoking only.

“don’t, don’t you want me? you know I don’t believe you when you say that you don’t need me”

“ I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar”

I defined you with a song. I created you with a song. With a word and a feeling. I created you therefore you do not exist my sir.